Let Me Run Away For a While

I feel stuck. Stuck in life, in my transitioning. Even though I am now officially diagnosed as transgender and will recieve HRT starting October. I feel stuck. Honestly I just wanted to run away, but where to go? I don't want to stay somewhere all by myself. And as I was thinking to myself when... Continue Reading →

Forced Patience

Whenever I'm talking with other transgender men about how much it sucks having to wait, they usually end up telling me that I just need to be patient. That patience is the key. And I catch myself telling other fellow transgender online the very same thing. I think this is the biggest lie we are... Continue Reading →

It’s Been 10 Years

⌈Trigger warning; eating disorder⌋ I was 10 years old when I first pushed my fingers down my throat. It was the first time I forced my body to puke, when I became addicted to the feeling. The feeling of control, the pain in my throat, my stomach tightening, the pressure that causes vessels to burst creating... Continue Reading →

Sometimes I Want to Die

But then I don't. To be honest I only have one reason to not die and keep going. One. And that is that I do not want to die in a girls body. I don't want my birthname written on my gravestone. I'd be a girl in everyones memory. Only the thought of it makes me feel... Continue Reading →

My Hormones are Killing Me

I hate this. I hate how I'm feeling every second of every day. The way I exist makes me not want to be in this world. I didn't ask to be born with an uterus. Its mere existence grosses me out and I just want to dig my fingers into that womb, that womb of a stranger, because... Continue Reading →

Patience & Misgendering

Getting misgendered is awful. It doesn't only give me emotional pain, but also physical. But yelling at those people who do that, doesn't help. And it's not okay, unless it was intentional, which it usually isn't. I tend to forget that changing what you're used to takes time. It's not easy for my surrounding to... Continue Reading →

I love you, Dad

Dear Dad, I know, I've never been an easy child. You went through so much with me, always accepted and loved me just the way I am. You didn't care what others thought, you just wanted me to be happy. And I am so incredibly grateful for that! But I feel like you forgot that.... Continue Reading →

Respect my Name

sister: Why do you still like this? I thought you want to be a boy. me: What are you talking about? I can like what I want. sister: But you want to be a boy. me: I am a boy. sister: *sneers* no, ⌈birthname⌋ you're a girl! me: I've never been a girl... And that's not my... Continue Reading →

I Don’t Dare Using The Restroom

Today I was in a restaurant with my Dad and sister. It was a casual evening. Until I had to use the restroom. Well. I needed to but didn't. Now this might sound silly to most people, since it's just a toilet. Some of you will think now: "Oh, yes. I know that! They're so dirty!" But that's not the... Continue Reading →

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