The start of my “medical”/psychological journey started on Tuesday 5pm!
I was extremely nervous about the appointment, meeting my new therapist for the first time. This is important. I’m actually very used to therapists, as I’ve been to several on and off over the past 10 years, though never because of my gender identity, but because of my eating disorder. Meaning it was never that important to me. It wasn’t about my future life. It was about my illness. Now I have to actually proof him, that I’m suffering and need to transition in order to be happy and live life to the fullest, otherwise, my insurance won’t pay for anything at all and I won’t even be able to change my name and gender on paper. I’m already very paranoid concerning my masculinity: is my chest flat enough?, are my clothes manly enough?, do I sit like a women? But I’m glad that he understands my worries and I look forward to the following therapy sessions with him. It’s a journey after all. And I am ready for it. I’m ready for the rude comments I’ll get from others, I’m ready for all that paperwork coming my way, I’m ready for the weird looks I’m going to receive even more often as I correct people using the wrong pronouns or name. Even though most of my family supports me, they have yet to push themselves to using my name. And even when they do (seldom), they still refer to me as a girl. It upsets me. But I know I have to be patient. This is nothing you do over night.
Thank you for sticking with me, and welcome if you’re new to my blog.