Gender Dysphoria

What is Gender Dysphoria and what does it feel like?

This might trigger those suffering from dysphoria

Gender dysphoria (formerly Gender Identity Disorder) is defined by strong, persistent feelings of identification with the opposite gender and discomfort with one’s own assigned sex that results in significant distress or impairment.

— psychologytoday.com

There’s different types of dysphoria and not everybody experiences all of them, just like it’s completely individual how they experience each of them and what triggers it.

  1. Body dysphoria
  2. Social dysphoria
  3. Mind dysphoria

Personally, I experience all, although the dysphoria itself feels different with each of them which sounds complicated at first, but it hopefully makes more sense looking into it:

  • Body dysphoria

discomfort someone feels with their physical body and the way it functions. That includes (for female to male transgender) having to pee while sitting down, menstruation, having breasts, having a vagina (getting aroused can also trigger, since there’s no penis getting hard, but a vagina getting wet), small waist, wide hips etc.

What does it feel like?

_20170418_235346

For me it’s a burden. A weight I’m carrying not on my shoulders, but my chest. I bind them to have a flat chest, but even then I press them down, wear big shirts and never stay or sit straight. When my breasts started to grow, I actually cried. I prayed to God, begging him to remove what took my freedom away (read more here). But then my hips grew wider, my waist smaller. Sometimes I sit on my floor, crying as I press against both sides of my hips, hoping that somehow that makes them shrink. The thought of staying like this makes me nauseous.

It makes my heart burn. The problem is, it’s not like “regular” issues. When you’re upset about your weight, you can just get up and change something about it. But this does not go away. And that is, what truly hurts my soul.

  • Social dysphoria 

discomfort someone feels by how they are seen socially. This includes appearance, which means it’s very much coupled with body dysphoria. As well as your voice, because before getting any hormones, it’ll betray you every time you open your mouth to say something. And, of course, getting misgendered in general by either family, friends or strangers. 

What does it feel like?

gender dysphoria 1

A sting in my heart, my stomach twisting, a sudden relapse into depression. Whenever I have to talk to someone, my voice betrays me. No matter what they thought until that point, now they’ll call me Miss. Now they’ll say SHE. It makes me sad, depressed, and at times even angry. It makes me want to scream at the whole world

I am a boy

I AM a boy

I AM A BOY!

  • Mind dysphoria


discomfort someone feels when their thoughts and emotions are at odds with their sense of identity.drowning_by_voraciouspanda-d8yrw57Am I too emotional to pass as a male?

Am I too motherly?

I’m not allowed to think feminine. 

The constant worry, that the way I act, isn’t manly enough and, again, people will think I’m a girl. It doesn’t necessarily upset me, but it makes me angry. Mad at myself. It makes me isolate myself even more, because the way I act could be too girly, the way my body looks is already too feminine, and in the end, my voice will ruin everything

Dysphoria makes you feel trapped. Trapped in a body you can’t change on your own accord. Trapped with a voice that does not belong to you. Trapped in constant agony. Feeling nauseous about everything that you do not associate with your true sex. Some days being worse than others. But it’s always there, always present.


I’m sorry this turned out to be kind of short (and depressing, but I’m being as honest as possible) but I tried to not create chaos since I tend to rant quite a bit. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask them in the comments. If it’s more personal, write me at sylveran.noirterel@gmx.de please note that some questions I may not answer if they’re either too personal or simply offend me in any way, although I’ll probably tell you if that’s the case.

♠Sylveran♠

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: