I love you, Dad

Dear Dad,

I know, I’ve never been an easy child. You went through so much with me, always accepted and loved me just the way I am. You didn’t care what others thought, you just wanted me to be happy. And I am so incredibly grateful for that!

But I feel like you forgot that. You forgot how to love me unconditionally. Maybe it’s because you fear for my safety? Because we are in constant danger. It’s okay to fear for my safety, I understand that. And I don’t plan on screaming into everybody’s faces that I’m trans. I’m careful about that one. That’s a promise.

When you come out as a transgender, you lose respect. They somehow feel entitled to ask about your genitals. They somehow feel the need to tell you, that you’re not real, that you’re a faker and that you’ve been lying about your identity the whole time. They might even start misgendering you, simply because they think you’re not real. To them, you’re just someone who feels miserable about their body and you need someone who loves you, so you can accept to be the gender you’ve been assigned as at birth. But that’s not true. It’s not a phase it’s who we are. 

You told me, that you haven’t accepted my gender yet. That you’re not ready to call me your son. Not ready to use my name, even less my pronouns. And when I ask you why, you say because I used to wear makeup and wear dresses. But have you even considered the fact that I’ve been hiding? That I’ve been fearing? That I just wanted to be the perfect daughter after all I’ve done to you? And now my good intentions backfire on me. Now they somehow make me less of a transgender in your eyes. But Dad,

You’re not entitled to question my gender

I came up to you, I trusted you so much that I’ve decided to tell you that I’ll be transitioning. And I understand that you need time. Everybody does. You can take all the time that you need. But please stop telling me that all this is just a phase. 

Because that is what hurts me the most. 

I love you, Dad.

Please love me, too

as your Son.

 

♠Sylveran♠

 

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2 thoughts on “I love you, Dad

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  1. oh boy, family. I don’t believe my mother will ever call me Ellee or she. But…but that’s a problem I’m willing to work out myself. God I wish she would accept and recognize me. We used to be really really close. We still are, but it’s different now. I feel a bit more like a friend of the family rather than a family member. How could I feel otherwise when no one introduces me or addresses me as daughter or sister, but has chosen to forgo the pronouns in place of my old name. *sigh*

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry your mom is like that..
      Mine often tell me how I’ll always be their daughter no matter what. While they mean it in a encouraging way it really hurts.
      I’m so sorry you feel like a friend rather than a member..

      Like

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