Patience & Misgendering

Getting misgendered is awful. It doesn’t only give me emotional pain, but also physical. But yelling at those people who do that, doesn’t help. And it’s not okay, unless it was intentional, which it usually isn’t.
I tend to forget that changing what you’re used to takes time. It’s not easy for my surrounding to adjust to me just like that, of course they’ll do mistakes. Don’t forget that they used female pronouns and a female name for 20 years! It’s frustrating. So I talked about it today when I’ve had therapy and continued the discussion afterwards with my mom who drove me there. And it helped me a lot. She told me that it’s not easy for her to change everything, to call me by the name I’ve chosen, but at the same time it also hurts to call me by my birthname since she can see how it hurts me. And I do understand that, she’s my mom! But at the same time I do not understand. I knew I’m a guy before they could’ve even guessed it. They only know for a few months now. And that’s exactly what I keep forgetting. I’ve got no choice, I have to be patient. That’s probably one of the hardest things during ones transition: to keep reminding yourself that your friends and family struggle as well. They don’t want to hurt you, and when they do misgender you, they might not even notice. Because it wasn’t on purpose.

misgendering

For me personally, it’s harder to be patient with my parents. I don’t know why, maybe because I kind of think they have to accept me and love me, simply because I’m their child. And especially my dad does struggle with even accepting my identity. And I thought I’ll have to give him years until he even tries. If you follow me on Twitter maybe you already saw, but my dad did not call me daughter the other day. He didn’t call me son either, that obviously needs more time, but we’re doing some progress here and it makes me incredibly happy!
We were talking about something and then he said

“Well, you’re my freaky d— my freaky child” 

The day he will call me son for the first time, will be the best day ever, I swear!
So give your parents time, don’t keep yelling at them, don’t start arguments all the time, they’ll come around eventually. Because they see how it hurts you, and they see how happy you are when your friends or anyone else doesn’t misgender you.
I thought my dad doesn’t even give a single shit, but he confessed to me once, that he did some research online. Because he cares. And that’s important. Not everybody will just accept me right away, but if I give them time, they come around sooner or later. At least that’s what’s going in my case.
And I know I wrote quite a lot about how my father is rude to me because of all this, but I want to make clear that he really is not. We get a long very well, we don’t have a broken relationships. There’s just a distance between us that’ll close up eventually.

Patience is the key

even though it’s hard

♠Sylveran♠

 


 

“Sex vs Cake” here about Asexuality and what it is on Social Gender, run by Robin

 

 

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6 thoughts on “Patience & Misgendering

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  1. I find that i am no longer affected by intentional misgendering as I can write it off as people being assholes. Accidental would hurt much more.

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  2. Some days are better than others it seems. Some days, I let roll off, others I am deeply offended. The phone calls are the worst for me, as my voice just isnt feminine enough for being gendered correctly whilst on the phone. I do not have the parental issues you do as my parents do not speak to me. But yes, have patience, it will all eventually change.

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    1. it’s going pretty well so far. Less misgendering and we understand each other a little more. Talking is very important, even if it seems useless at first! Sure, they won’t ever understand how I’m feeling, but it’s important that they at least know that I’m suffering.

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