Forced Patience

Whenever I’m talking with other transgender men about how much it sucks having to wait, they usually end up telling me that I just need to be patient. That patience is the key. And I catch myself telling other fellow transgender online the very same thing. I think this is the biggest lie we are preaching. And we pretend to actually believe it. patience is the key. But this isn’t patience. We wait because we literally have no other choice. We can’t shorten our journey, and we know that. And as much as we tell each other how we are in power of our own future we know, deep down, that this is just another lie to make ourselves feel better. Our future is in the hands of other people, people we don’t know and people who won’t ever understand us. Because they’re cisgender. Yet they get the right to decide wether we need hormone replacement therapy or any other step towards our true self.
If you yourself aren’t transgender, try to imagine you wouldn’t be in your own body, but you’d know exactly what to do to change that. How would you feel, if the majority of people would now say, that you have to prove that what you’re saying is true? They send you to a therapist who then decides if you suffer enough to deserve the treatment. And you complain about how unfair that is to all of your friends and family. “Be patient. If what you’re saying is true, you’ll get what you want.” Is what they keep telling you. So you start looking for other people who feel the same way you do, and you even find more than you thought! “Be patient.” they say.

And now tell me, that you wouldn’t hate them all for their lies. Yet

You do the same.

Because at some point of suffering, what do you tell your friend or just anyone who feels that way, that everything will turn out right? How do you encourage them to keep going?
We are liars. Because that’s easier than to say there’s nothing else you can do but wait.

It doesn’t sound as harsh. So we lie. 




3 thoughts on “Forced Patience

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  1. Completely agreed. It has never been about patience, in my opinion. You merely get through it. When walking through a really long, dark tunnel, nobody tells you to be patient. They tell you to keep walking. So that´s what you do. Being patient would imply passively sitting around until the magic happens. 🙂


  2. I totally feel this. Something Chase Ross mentioned once in a podcast was that once you know what you want it gets so much harder. When you know that you’re mentally and physically ready for HRT and have to wait another three months, twelve months, two years, it becomes increasingly difficult to handle. Keep pushing forward, you’ve got this.


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