Wanderer’s Lullaby


First day of High School, the time of your life you’ll either hate or love. For Edward Evans it was a time of hope. He sat in the last row, watching his new classmates coming in one by one. Most of them knew each other, it was a small town after all. Ed was different though, he didn’t live with his parents, but by himself outside of town, having to take the bus every day, since he couldn’t afford anything else. Although it may sound sad, but he had left his family for good. But all that shouldn’t matter anymore. Today was a big day and all he wanted to achieve in his High School life was staying unnoticed. The class was split into many groups, not one wanted to have anything to do with the other. But there was one group leaded by a guy called James Beal, who had black, curly hair down to his shoulders. He literally represented trouble. Those who stood by his side tried to get his imagine onto themselves, but failed non the less. And, of course, aside from the bad guys, there were those you could call the good ones, full of perfect people, who seemed to be James’ rivals. At least that’s what it looked like first glance. But they had this High School will be the best time of my life aura around them. Cheerleaders and football players – to keep it simple. But one of them caught Edward’s sight: he was red-haired . His name was Thomas Hanson. He was genuinely kind and seemed to always wear a smile on his face, his girlfriend was, of course, the prettiest girl in the whole class with her long, black hair, and dark skin,  making her stand out from everybody else. And then there was Edward: small, average grades, plain, grey eyes, brunette hair that just couldn’t be tamed. Nobody asked for his name, nobody even wanted to know where he was from. He was a nobody. So far, he had accomplished his goal.

Weeks of school went by, when James came up to him, Brazen Hatch and Amir Rosenbloom on each side, the two boys looking like wardrobes next to the small one, like bodyguards. Just like it’d have been in a Movie. The thought of it made Edward giggle. “What’s so funny, you waste of space?” James scoffed, making the other boy tense up immediately, “And there I wanted to be nice to you.” Ed looked up to him, not relaxing his shoulders. “Can’t talk or what?” He eyeballed the brunette, the two bodyguards sneered. “E-Erm…” Evans let his gaze drop to the floor, too embarrassed to look the other boy in the eyes after that pathetic sound had escaped his throat. With a nod to the other direction, the three of them left the brunette behind, whose face had turned bright red. “Shit”, he thought to himself, counting his breaths to ease the panic lurking inside, “still cannot handle such guys…” Ed knew boys like James; they always needed someone to pick on, someone to expose, someone to bully. “Just like Leon…”, he murmurred lowly, tears pushing at the backs of his eyes, he swallowed the dark memories down that had crawled back into his mind, shaking his head. He’d not cry, he’d never let anyone see him cry, never again.

It was already 1am, but Edward still stood inside his bathroom infront of the mirror, a single, flickering light bulp above him. Dull eyes staring back, lifeless. Did they ever carry the light of life in them? He couldn’t tell, he didn’t remember. His gaze traced down to the sink, the pills he’d gotten from his doctor waiting to be taken.

Tossing and turning in his bed, he tried desperitely to warm up. Life had grown cold for him a long time ago. 4am, having not slept one bit, the pulsating urge flared up in his guts. He knew he had no choice, he knew there was no escape. And in the end Edward strongly believed it was what kept him alive. Shaking like crazy, but finally numb and tired enough, he went back to bed.

It was a week later, at school, when Ed was at his worst again. Usually he watched his classmates as they gossiped, joked around, laughed. But on that day all his thoughts were focused on his stomach. Wiggling his legs, rubbing his arms. He just could not stay still. The bell rang, the first lesson was finally over, and Ed hurried to the toilets, fists clenching, arms wrapped around his torso. “Look who’s crossing my way today!” He froze, it was James standing in front of the restroom. “Just ignore him, just walk straight into… Just… Avoid…” Ed’s grip tightened as he walked a little quicker, praying the other boy would not interfere, this was too important. Too intimate. 


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