They Taught Me

They taught me that I’m pretty. But I shouldn’t talk, because nobody will listen. I shouldn’t try hard, because nobody will care. I shouldn’t cry, because nobody will see. They didn’t know I was witty. They taught me that I’m beautiful. So I lied to them, because nobody wanted to hear the truth. I cried...

I’m Devastated

⌈Trigger Warning; language, female body functions, eating disorder, self harm, mention of suicide⌋ When I started testosterone my period stopped instantly. It was the major reason why my depression had improved so much. I was able to eat a lot more, I gained weight and was the happiest I've ever been. But as soon as...

Selective Mutism – My Story (2/2)

⌈Trigger Warning; sexual assault, graphic⌋ This is the probably going to be the hardest post I've ever written, but truly and honestly I need to get it off of my chest. I lied to friends and family. I lie to people every day. I didn't want anyone to know. I do not want to talk...

Selective Mutism – My Story (1/2)

For years and years I've suffered. "You're just shy, you will get over it" is what doctors and other people told me and my parents. Now being 22 years old, I finally have a diagnosis on what's wrong with me. I finally have a name. I can finally explain why I've always had anxiety, literally...

One Year On Testosterone – Changes & Struggles

21st November 2018 the day has finally come. The day I knew would be, but still felt too far away and not realistic enough. But it couldn't be any more real. 2018 was hell and heaven. Hell due to my family situation and heaven due to how far I've come! After 2 weeks my voice...

The Pressure Aromantic People Face

I've found this article that is actually quite long, but very informative and on a personal level, which I highly appreciate https://standupmag.org/2018/08/10/the-terrifying-power-of-love-the-pressure-aromantic-people-face/ We need more visibility on the subject. We really do. Aromantic blogs you should check out, if you want to educate yourself, wether you question being aromantic yourself, have a loved one who...

Haunted Heart

Like a typhoon trapped in a jar a storm locked in a box it feels so bizarre I guess because it seems paradox but my world fell apart when the river that used to be comfort finally ran dry like abstract art that somehow makes you cry And I want to ask you why it...

I Lost My Dad – Please Don’t Hate Me

⌈Trigger warning; mention of abusive behaviour⌋ So much has happened. Way more than I could properly process in just a few weeks or months. It still feels surreal and as time passes I just feel scared, lost, abandoned. He's been treating me differently for a while now, it started when he met his girlfriend. I...

An Open Letter – A Family Disappointment (2/2)

⌈Trigger Warning; depression; fights; mention of eating disorder/self harm; harsh language; dysphoria⌋ This open letter is dedicated to all those people who left my life because I'm trans. It's never easy to lose people, no matter the circumstances. Sometimes it's our fault, because we hurt their feelings, sometimes people change and part ways. No matter...

Where I’ve Been – A Family Disappointment (1/2)

⌈Trigger Warning; depression; fights; harsh language; dysphoria⌋ I've been trying to write updates, and I even actually started typing several times but I simply couldn't finish anything. Even now I'm struggling to form sentences and I feel like I'd be better off deleting everything, hiding, disappearing. But even that I can't do. I was so...